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Austin Powers once said, “there are two things that scare me and one of them is nuclear war.” The other one being, “Carnies, you know carnival people, small hands smell like cabbage.” It’s one of the more prolific statements ever in cinematic history. But for me he left out one thing. It’s the one thing that truly terrifies me and keeps me up at nights. Not global warning, nor the economy, or some serial killer. What scares the bejebbers out of me is, fast zombies.
Now let me make sure you got the fast part of my zombie fear. As some of you of are balking at me right now. Regular zombies, no worries what so ever. You know the standard “Night of the Living Dead” zombie should worry nobody. As long as you can find a bike to ride or at the very least keep up a brisk walking pace for a couple miles you should be gravy against your grandparents Zombies. They just stumble around hoping to find some poor shmuck paralyzed by fear or with a twisted ankle that can’t run. You get eaten by a regular run of the mill zombie you have nobody to blame but yourself. You just didn't want to live bad enough.
Fast Zombies on the other hand. That’s a whole another story. These aren’t your grandma’s zombies. Go watch “Dawn of the Dead” or “28 Days” and tell me there is a scarier thing on this planted than fast, mobile, well motivated Zombies. They set traps, they run like the wind, Heaven help us all if they ever figure out how to use machinery.
But I'm sure you’re telling me I’m crazy and Zombies don’t and can’t exist? Think again my friends. Take a look at this. Pretty scary huh? Now that you have been properly warned. Take this quiz and find out how prepared you are for surviving a zombie apocalypse. Take the Quiz. Surviving the zombie apocalypse won’t be easy and won’t happen by accident. It will take planning, supplies, a black heart, and a little bit of luck. If you scored poorly on the quiz, better start making some changes before it’s too late. If you scored well, I look forward to fighting along side you against the zombie overlords. Be safe out there folks, and prepared. Always be prepared, it's our only chance.
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